Lil' Girl

As the child awoke, she realized it was the middle of the night. Her bedroom was dark except for the faint glow of the light left on above the kitchen stove from down the hall. She felt the cold air on her face.. the airconditioner had been on all night. The faint sound of the television from the living room was all she could hear. This meant that her father was practicing his Saturday night ritual of watching late night horror movies. Unable to go back to sleep, she arose from her bed and crept down the hall towards the glow of the light and the sound of the television. She moved quietly and slowly so as to not awake her mother and brother who slept in their rooms next to hers. If she were found out, she would be sent back to bed. That thought didn't appeal to her for she loved those horror movies! Wearing her nightgown and tiny slippers, she moved carefully across the kitchen and on finding her favorite hiding spot, she settled in next to the kitchen door. She had done this many times before and knew exactly how to find the right spot to keep warm. From where she was she could see directly into the corner where the television sat. As a commercial came on, she heard her father rise from his couch.. A couch that later on became a symbol of him. She would slip deeper into the shadow as he passed by to make himself another cup of coffee. Her stomach would tighten as the fear of being caught gripped her. On his way back to his couch, he stopped by the door and asked her in a quiet, deep voice what she was doing. She looked up at him and half-whispered, "I can't sleep". He reached out his strong hand to help her out of her corner and lead her to his chair. She would snuggle on her father's lap where they would together sit for hours. During the scary scenes, she would hide her face in her father's chest, smelling the coffee and cigarettes on his breath. When the movie ended, the little girl would be fast asleep, peacefully surrounded by the protection of her father's love. He would carry her back to her bed, tucking the fluffy pink blankets tightly around her, keeping her safe and warm for the rest of the night.
Today, my father and I are separated not only by distance but also by differences of opinion. My father is no longer an active part of my life - a twist of fate I had no say in. As I sit and think about the years gone by and all the years we've wasted, I remember the love of a father and daughter that once was and wonder if things will ever be the same again. I wonder what I'm waiting for. I wonder what I can say to make things better. I wonder why I haven't said it yet.