Men and Fidelity

Yesterday a friend and I talked about the most random things under the sun. Amidst much mindless chatter, he said something that caught my attention. He said, “A man is only as faithful as his options”. In response to my quizzical look he patiently explained, “If a man has many options, many pretty young things throwing themselves at him, he’s bound to cheat but if he’s a fat account that other women don’t notice, he’ll be the most loyal husband or boyfriend”. I have no idea why this statement shocked me so much. I mean, I think this is a fact that most women already know. I guess hearing it out loud gave it a sense of finality. I’m sure men have their theories about women too, but I’m not here to play the devil’s advocate. As a woman, I have serious issues with the notion that a man is only faithful until he realizes he can get someone better!

Given that we know this or sadder, accept this, why do we then continue to set ourselves up? Is it the hope that maybe, just maybe, our current companion will find us worth the effort? The prayers we send up to heaven at night, “Please God, let him be The One” are so easily sabotaged by a straying eye. Is this what relationships have become? Is this what we’ve come to accept? Whatever happened to “unconditional love” and “forever”? For the few of us who still hold on to old-world notions of romance, are we just delusional? I refuse to be a bench warmer until some younger, sexier nymph comes along. I want to be with someone who will wake up every morning, thankful that he has me in his life. So would it be ok if I could mourn the loss of someone? Could you grant me permission to feel like life is just not the same? Could I be allowed to miss him and crave his touch? Could you indulge me when I feel like life just cannot go on?

To those of you who have lost your sensitivity… to those of you who feel like relationships have lost their meaning, I have only this to say, relationships are as special as we make them. Don’t let them fade away. I read this poem recently and I’m posting it here in the hope that someone out there will find that lost spark in their life.

"After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
and company doesn't mean security;
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises...
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
and learn to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight...
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers,
and you learn that you really can endure...
that you really are strong,
and you really do have worth,
and you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn."

- Anne Bradstreet

Changing Priorities

I have a box of treasures that I keep hidden under my bed. The other day I pulled out this box and remembered a childhood I had left behind long, long ago. In this box I found an essay I had written when I was ten years old. The topic of the essay was 'How I want the world to be' and my English teacher had given me three stars and an 'Excellent' for it. Now, close to two decades later, I can't even remember a time when life was so simple and desires so innocent. Yes, I have grown up but have I lost some piece of my self along the way? Am I jaded? Is there a way back to the ecstasy of childhood abandon? Here's the essay exactly the way it was written all those years ago:

The world I would love will have to be full of peace and love. People should live and let live, and never discriminate between themselves. This would be the ideal world for me. There should be no wars and people should be able to tolerate each other. There should be religious tolerance and no fights over land. The wold should be such that policemen, lawyers and judges should all be out of work! All of us should be understanding and not cheat each other. But apart from all these, there could be a few more changes in the world.

As a child I would love for the clouds of the world to be made of candy floss; the sea should be made of Pepsi; the barks of the tree should be made of rich, dark chocolate and the leaves of these trees should be made of candy. I would also want there to be a lot of trees around everywhere so that I can climb on them and play.I want the world to be full of fun and humor. the words hate, way, discrimination and killing should be erased from the memory and minds of people. They should even disappear from the dictionary.

Then the world would be full of love and harmony. Instead of horrible words like hate etc., love, peace, caring, understanding and harmony should be put into the minds of people. This is my dream of how I want the world to be and I hope that someday, if not all of it, at least half my dream should come true.

That was the essay - a child's dream for the future. Nope, none of that has come true. The adult in me had replaced the child's innocent fantasy. What's worse is that the rate at which our world is progressing, I'm fairly certain these will just remain unfulfilled dreams. But the clouds of candy floss, ocean of Pepsi and trees of candy and chocolate... hmmm, I think I'll hold on to that dream!