It's my party n' I'll cry if I want to...

It's here.. the big 25th birthday. Tomorrow I complete a quarter of a century (I was sweetly reminded of it by a 16 yr old blondie at work.. Yes, she's still alive!!) n' I've promised myself not to get introspective and search my soul or any such nonsense.. I do enuff of that every other week!! I'm gonna miss being home for my birthday... Gonna miss the tones of phone calls that start at midnight.. gonna miss calls from close and distant relatives (despite the fact that they call at 7 or 8 a.m n' I ramble incoherently when my mom thrusts the cordless phone in my hand).. Gonna miss the way S always pampers me n' spoils me rotten on my birthday.. last year she took the day off from work, baked me a cake and as always, showered me with gifts..! I'll miss that! I'll miss being with V on my birthday.. we haven't had the chance to do that yet.. but I'll be there for his, so it's a start! Atleast I have D here... my security blanket!! :) He's planning a dinner party for me n' I love him for it! Good food and lotsa booze... can't go wrong! This year, both my mom n' I spent our birthdays without each other n' that's a first.. we tend to spoil each other on birthdays (that kinda explains why I've almost come to expect it, huh?!) so when I go back home, we're gonna have a combined celebration! That'll be fun.. theres nothing like making up for lost time! Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! Here's hoping I stay calm everytime someone reminds me how old I am.. Here's hoping the next person to ask me why I'm so old n not married, has life insurance.. Here's hoping n' wishing n' praying for dreams to come true!
p.s.Bajjari!! No I didn't forget you so cut that whiney look off your face!! Happy Birthday to you babe!! Here's wishing you all the luck n' love your hand and heart can hold.. n hope you wake up with a smile the day after n' the day after n' the day after n' the day after n' the day after....!!!!

Jack Daniels Must LOVE Me!!!!

Yup!!! I'm sure between two of the most important people in my life and me, we must've made a considerable contribution to Jack Daniels' fortune!! Been doing the usual drinking n partying with D and its been fun as always. Crazy raves and drag queens at gay clubs... interesting to say the least. But despite it all, I've been feeling bloody low for the past few days. The first thing people ask me is, "Why?" and weirdly enuff, I almost never have an answer. It's like assigning a reason to it would make it more valid. I hate that! I hate having to come up with what seem like excuses for feeling low. I'm just depressed! It's not that hard to comprehend! This too shall pass, but while the mood is here, can we just leave it alone? Let it lie curled up at the foot of my bed. We don't need to poke n prod or dissect and analyse - just let it be... let me be!

I haven't written in a long time... so here goes.. just getting some random thoughts out of my head!
I am thinking about...doing something radically different with my life! I think I've worked myself into a rut that I'm desperate to break out of!
I said...'I love you' sooooo many times these past many months (to the same person, luckily!!!) and meant it every single time!
I want to.. fit into my old clothes again!! :(
I wish...I could protect V from everything negative in this world
I miss...the emotional comfort of home
I hear...way too many sad stories and see way too much grief around me
I wonder... what I'll be doing 5 years from now!
I regret...very few things n the things that I regret are hidden away in a dark corner somewhere
I am... loved!!
I dance... like a moron!! :)
I sing...pretty often.. always have a song in my head that I'm humming along to!
I cry... to get all the dark n' twisty feelings out of me
I am not always... spaced out.. most ppl think I'm always drifting some place far away!
I write... to understand my life and also to vent!
I need... to get some sleep.. its been ages since I've slept at night!